How We Choose to Be Happy

Foster, Rick, and Greg Hicks. How We Choose to Be Happy.

I really, really liked this book. Not a psychological treatise or a spiritual discourse, but a list of components that truly happy people have in common. Foster and Hicks's research led them to develop a model that has been adapted by major institutions including the Mayo Clinic, NYU Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the American Heart Association, and Wake Forest University Medical Center.

Although genetics certainly plays a role in an individual's happiness or unhappiness, certain behaviors and thinking patterns were evident in those individuals who were in the genuinely happy category. Those individuals, regardless of family backgrounds, made certain choices that led to their happiness. The authors and the interviewees never say it is easy, nor do they say that life will be perfect, or that we will escape the difficult aspects of life, but they do say that we make choices and that we can choose to be happy.

Again, common sense comes into play, but the way the material is presented is so straight-forward and interesting that I found myself thinking about even familiar terms like "intention" with a new perspective. There isn't much new about the components themselves, but the logic and simplicity can bring clarity to our own choices.

The nine components are discussed in separate chapters and include the stories of many of the individuals interviewed and some ideas to think about concerning your own personal choices. The authors tell you not to expect change overnight--the pursuit of happiness takes work, self-evaluation, and practice, but choosing to put in the work can make your life happier. Not necessarily more successful, not wealthier, but possibly healthier and happier.

Intention - Accountability - Identification - Centrality - Recasting - Options - Appreciation - Giving - Truthfulness -- the components are synergistic, they feed into each other and work together. Very simple. Very difficult.

I read through the book twice and am leaving this copy with Erin, but I'm going to order more copies: one to keep and at least one to give away.


nonfiction. Sociology/Behavioral Science. 199/2004. 228 pages.

60 on Up: The Truth About Aging in America

Rubin, Lillian B., Ph. D. 60 on Up: The Truth About Aging in America. I've put off reviewing this one partly because I continue to think about it. Lillian Rubin doesn't gloss over anything; she tackles the problems of aging with energy, intellect, and emotion. The book provides an honest, but not always encouraging, examination of what it is like to grow old, to be old.

"Getting old sucks! It always has, it always will," says 83-year-old Dr. Rubin. Those are the first two sentences in the book. Forget about the media's rosy picture of "the new old age, " she says. She's right, of course, in the sense that while we live longer and are healthier longer... the years of really old age are longer as well, and since we live in a culture that celebrates youth and beauty, those years can be lonely and frightening. Old age may come to us later than it did to our parents and grandparents, but with each year on that latter part of our journey, we will face the decline of our physical abilities, perhaps of our mental abilities. Rubin believes the pretense that age does not bring decline is a disingenuous view.

There are consequences to living longer, and these consequences are not always positive. Rubin's examination of old age, her interviews, her evaluation of her own situation are honest and informative, but honest appraisal and information can be troubling. Rubin wants us to think about what we will do with the additional years; about social policies that need to be in place for the large section of our aging population; about our emotional, economic, physical, and spiritual needs.

She is addressing those who are 60 and up, but she is also looking at those who are younger, and who suddenly have the responsibility of caring for illl or elderly parents. We are all attempting to negotiate changes for which history has not yet prepared a template. We live longer and healthier than ever before, but our extended life spans present new difficulties that were not always anticipated.

Dr. Rubin has an engaging, down-to-earth style; she writes with insight and clarity, compassion and humor. She has no answers, but she warns us that we should be asking some questions--of ourselves, our families, our governments.

I think Rubin has addressed the subject thoughtfully. In many ways, however, it is very discouraging, and many will probably say that Rubin is depressed about her own old age. However, denying that illness and dementia and loss of contemporaries are more likely after a certain age is to stick our heads in the sand. Not a comforting read, but a compelling one. Rubin addresses the realities of many, though certainly not all, of the elderly.

Nonfiction. Psychology/sociology. 2007. 172 pages.

Mistakes Were Made

Tavris, Carol, and Elliot Aronson. Mistakes Were Made (but not by me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts. I thought I knew all about self-justification, but no, my understanding didn't begin to account for the 90% of that iceberg, submerged and out of sight.

The introduction is titled Knaves, fools, Villains, and Hypocrites: How Do They Live with Themselves? The answer is-- the same way we do. They justify their actions.

When we make a mistake or do something foolish or hurtful, we experience cognitive dissonance. Since we think of ourselves as basically good people, when our behavior threatens our self-concept, we are almost compelled to justify our actions in order to reduce the dissonance. For most of us, our transgressions are relatively small, but what about those who have proceeded to much larger and more serious errors? How did they get there, if they really are decent people? Tavris and Aronson state it very simply: one step at a time. One lie can lead to another, and bigger, lie. One act of dishonesty can lead to another. If we justify the first, it is easier to justify the second. The individuals in the Milgram study began with small shocks and proceeded upwards. From ten volts to 450 volts. This study has always fascinated me, but Tavris and Aronson conclude that not only do we move toward bad/corrupt/cruel/foolish behavior one step at a time, but we also tend to blame our victims...they deserved it, they were stupid, they were stubborn. Because those individuals who were administering the "shocks" were decent people, they had to justify their willingness to "inflict" pain.

This is a fascinating book, and the authors take the reader through example after example, study after study. Why would a prosecuting attorney refuse to change his opinion after DNA proved that the accused was not guilty? Why can't psychologists, doctors, police, politicians, husbands, wives, teachers, students, bosses, employees... admit they made mistakes? What procedures and strategies are at work? The authors reveal the process, revealing how easy it is to compound and magnify our errors because we are so busy justifying our decisions.

From marital disagreements to war crimes, almost without exception individuals try to justify their behavior to ease cognitive dissonance. The latter part of the book concentrates on acknowledging mistakes rather than excusing them, being aware of the process and consequences of self-justification, keeping an open mind, and not "jumping to convictions."

There is way too much in this little book for me to cover, but I recommend it to anyone who enjoys psychological and sociological studies. Sometimes floored, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes amused, but always interested, I can only hope that I will be able to apply some of what I learned in my own life. This book was an Advanced Reader Copy, and my thanks, again, to Anna Suknov for sending it.

Nonfiction. Social psychology. 2007. 236 pages.